From Ron: Hey baby, you aint gonna shit right for a week! That was some good butt sex last night! Dont you agree?

Assclowns Answer: You're right, Ron. After all that ample ass sex you supplied me with, my poop shoot won't function correctly for at least a week. I mean, you know I just love taking it up the ass from you, with your adorable cock that towers at a mere four inches. I didn't even need lubrication, it was so tiny. It was like baby aspirin: small for convenience, but strong enough to get the job done. Call me some time so I can have you clog my anal cavity again with you midget ramrod.

From Angela: i want to get back at this guy for telling me he loves me and turning around and saying he doesn't want to be with me. i want him to suffer. give me some excellent payback advice.

Assclowns Answer: Have you heard the term "cocktease?" It's an excellent strategy that women can use to torment and manipulate men into doing almost anything. It works best when you're hot. Anyway, act like you're extremely interested in doing something pleasuring to his cock. Rub up on him as much as possible, get him ready and hot. Let him touch your tits a little, rub your ass, spank it a little, you know. Let him think that you want him to fuck you until cum shoots out of your ears. Lead him on, like he did to you, only about ten times the intensity. Right when he starts to ask you about it, tell him that you wouldn't fuck him if he was the last man on earth, and in stead, go fuck his best friend. Isn't it great being able to use sex as a weapon?

From JuddHole: So, you need questions? Howsabout "Why are you being a whiny pussyass bitch?"

And why do I smell so bad?

Assclowns Answer:

1. Yes.

2. Because that's what I'm good at. You know, just like you're good at taking it up the ass, which brings me to answer your next question.

3. Because you take it up the ass. You reek of someone using bad cologne to try to mask the smell of semen. You obviously smell of man cum and you're trying to hide it with that shitty perfume you bought at K-Mart because you thought Joe Boxer was the new Tommy Hilfiger. For someone who wants to be me, you sure do talk some shit. That must be because of your self-esteem problems which, again, lead to the anal sex.

From Anonymous: can you reward me with a spurt of delicious woman-cum?

Assclowns Answer: If you can come over here and fuck me good enough to be rewarded with it, sure why not? That is, if you're endowed with a penis bigger than four inches, and I'm pretty sure that you're not, so why bother? And what makes you think that I'm a woman anyway, dick?

From Anonymous: Should I go see this show?

Assclowns Answer:...what the fuck?

From tofperv (what the fuck?): my dear, do you have maximum-sized nipples???

Assclowns Answer: You guessed it, baby. Maximum-sized invisible nipples, as a matter of fact. That's right; in fact, my nipples are the same color as the rest of my skin so the only way you can tell they're there is when they are hard. Sexy, isn't it? I thought about getting them tattooed so that they'd be darker, but the nipple is just so sensitive, I just don't know anymore.

From Ki Ki: Yo I want to get mah Boo's name tattooed on mah arm. But my moms is not down with it. Do you think I should just call her a Chikin Head and do it anyways? Or shood I take her advice?

Assclowns Answer: Yo, you knows what I gots to say to that, boo. Pop a cap in your moms's ass. Teach that fat bitch a lesson, yo. If you wants to gets your Boo's name tattooed on your arm, it's your prerogative, ya' know what I'm saying? One word of advice though, from one street pharmacist to another: take a fucking English class. I hope your moms reads this before you and busts a cap in your ass.

From Jo Jo Phiefer:Give me an A,Give me an S,Give me an S,Give me an C,Give me an L, Give me an O, Give me an W, Give me an N. What does that spell?!...well I'm not really sure.Well anyways I am like so pissed off. I was the cheerleading captain at my highschool, but when I went to College no one wants me on the team. I tried sleeping with the football team, then the teachers, then the dean, and then the principle. But like nothing worked. What can I do, i think I am going to try "slitting my wrists", im going to use ketchup blood makes me sick. Love ya!

Assclowns Answer:Like oh my gosh totally gnarly, gurl! LOL!!!!111 i totally know what u r talking about!!!!1111 like, first off, it spells "ASSCLOWN," and we here are, like totally, the "Assclowns." like, get it right, or i'm going to shove my- Give me an F! Give me a O! Give me another O! Give me a T!- up your- Give me an A! Give me an S! Give me another S! get it right or pay the price, bitch. and why, like, do you want to stop, like, fucking all the people on campus that, like, have control over, like, stuff???1111 like, totally. use them 4 good grades and stuff. that'd be totally tubular. LOL!!!!!1111 n e wayz, i gots to bounce! btw, you should, like, totally really kill yourself!!!1111 i mean, no ketchup. like, nothing is cooler than suicide! think how popular it would make you!!!111 it'd be all over the news and all the cheerleaders would talk about is how cruel they were 2 not let you be a cheerleader!!!!11111 ROTFLMBFAODJGHJSJTUIENAMVNBEITHKKAHF!!!!!1111111

I need new fans, ones that are actually worth a shit.