This little piece of ass was written on Wednesday, Aug. 06, 2003 at around 12:36 p.m.

You know they have plastic surgeons who can fix the meat flap and extra bark on your wood problems now.

From Andy Anteater: I'm not circumcised and my girlfriend says it's a turn-off. I can't afford to have a doctor circumcise me. Should I do it myself?

Assclowns say: Well if your girlfriend doesn't like it tell her you don't like her meat flaps and she should think about getting her fat Cha Cha trimmed off a bit. When you do it yourself make sure you use a nice old rusty blade, that only insures it will become infected and kill you and rid the world of dumb fucks such as yourself.

This little piece of ass was written on Wednesday, Aug. 06, 2003 at around 12:35 p.m.

WTF? Where do these retards come from?

From Lulvee2CUnt: My computer is my only friend, and I never get laid. I've been using Genital stimulation via phalangetic motion. I recently created a forum for my online girlfriends, but we are finding that without anyone to feel superior over our lives are all the more empty and sad. So I created another forum for this guy that I don't like. His name is Lek. How can I get him to cyber with me? I've even sent him pictures of my titties, and I'm still sitting here buttering up the whisker biscuit waiting. I'm tired of doing the dickless dildo dance, please help me.

Assclowns say: Umm no you dumbass we didn't answer it because this doesn't make any fucking sense you retard. Did you read it? Can you read? If you want ass then go out and get it, guys never refuse a whore.

This little piece of ass was written on Tuesday, Aug. 05, 2003 at around 3:09 p.m.

Is that your pussy or are you cooking some salmon?

From datefromhell: Which is best? Epiladied pussy? Shaving? Porno wax? How can I achieve a hairless pink gleaming snatch without suffering any pain?

Assclowns say: You just have to try them all and find out what is least painful for you. I've found that most men dig a giant hairy bush anyway, so you might try just going el natural. And stop bathing too, men love that natural fermenting scent.

This little piece of ass was written on Tuesday, Aug. 05, 2003 at around 3:04 p.m.

It's just a formality baby

From Amy: I have a cousin named Greg who keeps hitting on me and telling me I'm hot. We're not blood-related tho. Is this something to worry about, or should I just go ahead and fuck his brains out?

Assclowns say: I see no problem here.

This little piece of ass was written on Monday, Aug. 04, 2003 at around 4:32 p.m.

Anything short of death would be too good for you

From GannyG: I masturbate all the time, and it makes my pussy sore. Sometimes it's so raw I can't hardly sit down. How can I masturbate less? Also please tell me if it is safe to use pepperoni and other food for my pleasure. Thank you.

Assclowns say: Try using a loaded shotgun to masterbate. Chances are you'll accidently hit the trigger and then all your problems will be over.

This little piece of ass was written on Monday, Aug. 04, 2003 at around 3:03 p.m.

Once again I'd like to say South Park has all the answers.

From Jessie: Hey assclowns! What is your opinion on the Michael Jackson pedofelia thing?? Do you think he is a "washed-out" negro who belongs in jail, also?

Assclowns say: So he touched a few children. . . He's Michael Jackson!

This little piece of ass was written on Monday, Aug. 04, 2003 at around 3:03 p.m.

Makes you wonder what everybody thinks about at the zoo right?

From Jessie: What would be the result if a penguin and a flamingo mated?

Assclown say: Well my cat is the product of a hippo fucking a jelly fish. I noticed it one day at the zoo. The hippo was a fatass with tiny hairs on it and the jelly fish had no bones. I thought "If those two fucked, I bet Tadapoo would be the result because the hippos hairs would shrink down to a smaller version of a hippo making it look like fur and Fatty folds in half when and if you can pick his fatass up. Hmm." Scientifically I think I made a breakthrough in the chain of evolution. So to answer your question. . . I have no idea.

This little piece of ass was written on Monday, Aug. 04, 2003 at around 3:02 p.m.

Takes me back. . .

From Jessie: Which type of baseball bat do you think would be best for smashin' mailboxes?

Assclowns say: Ahh Penguin... I love her. Well I'd use a wooden one because when metal hits metal(like so many mail boxes are these days)... it hurts like a mother fucker and wood will absorb some of the shock. The wood ones are very strong and in my experience do just fine with mail boxes of all makes and models.

Back That Thang Up * Do Me In The Butt

Spankin' New+ Old Ass+ Assbook+ Assmap+Ass Layout+Ass Behind the Assclowns+Diarrhealand

Disclaimer: You ask, I answer. It's that simple. If I hurt your feelings, I really don't care. It won't do any good to sue me because I have no money anyway.