This little piece of ass was written on Wednesday, Aug. 06, 2003 at around 3:06 p.m.

Be a doormat, get walked all over.

From My Pretty: Why does everybody pretend to like me at first, only to betray me in the end?

Assclowns say: say: Because you smell funny.

This little piece of ass was written on Wednesday, Aug. 06, 2003 at around 2:59 p.m.

Don't people know the squeeze exercise like when you have to pee. Tighten up that pussy you meat flap chicks!

From Twinklebar: I am old and my vaginal lips are starting to sag. The guy I met in a bar last night told me they look like the skin on a turkey's neck. Are there any exercises I can do to correct this?

Assclowns say: Sure there is but when they are at turkey stage, or meat flap stage, you need to get that shit cutt off. Call a plastic surgeon NOW. I'd hate to see those things get caught in a conveyor belt by accident. So the real question why did you show a guy you met at the bar your meat flaps? Or they that noticeable through your clothes?

This little piece of ass was written on Wednesday, Aug. 06, 2003 at around 2:54 p.m.

There aren't enough sexually adventureous girls out there.

From Gina G: Oh god. Things have gone from bad to worse. I called my boyfriend to tell him about the mosquito situation. I assumed he'd be all sweet and supportive

...but he got all angry and accused me of being a...a..whore! (yes the "w" word!) Cheating on him with insects! I'm so upset. How do i make him understand? He cant abandon me at this traumatic time!! (btw, your guestbook is seriously fucked. Wont let me post!)

Assclowns say: You are a whore..YOU FUCK MOSQUITOES. I honestly thought he'd be turned on, guys like adventours chicks like yourself. Maybe for an encore you could try fucking snake with a milk chaser? That outta get him excited again about you.

No it isn't. Talk to Andrew. That stupid thing will only people sign G books every couple of minutes. Let me guess, it said "Oops you just signed" or some shit? Yup yell at Andrew.

This little piece of ass was written on Wednesday, Aug. 06, 2003 at around 2:51 p.m.

Isn't cooking fun?

From Corkychick: Do you have any good recipes for pickled assclown chow?

Assclowns say: Sure just add your face to a blender and hit the puree button.

This little piece of ass was written on Wednesday, Aug. 06, 2003 at around 2:43 p.m.

You have angered the God's so no hot dog flavored icecream for you.

From Cricket: Dear Assclowns: Why are there no meat flavored ice creams? You know, like Sweet'n'Sour Shrimp Swirl or Hotdogs & Cream.

Assclowns say: Because you touch yourself at night.

This little piece of ass was written on Wednesday, Aug. 06, 2003 at around 2:15 p.m.

Someone needs to explain to her that bugs aren't for mating with. Maybe she's a hick, yeah that explains it.

From Gina: no, no, i understand now! After my boyfriend touched me..there...i thought i'd try it myself, but them an evil mosquito came along, and i think it bit me...there... Because today i seemed to have put on a tiny bit of weight on my stomach. I think they might be mosquito-babies. Help!!

Assclowns say: Maybe you're just fat. And stop fucking mosquitoes.

This little piece of ass was written on Wednesday, Aug. 06, 2003 at around 2:14 p.m.

Jesus people are dumb

From Gina G: Ok, i have a problem. A few days ago, my boyfriend touched me in places that made me feel really really excited. Now i'm scared that I'm pregnant. what should i do?

Assclowns say: Shove a coat hanger up your crotch just for good measure.

This little piece of ass was written on Wednesday, Aug. 06, 2003 at around 2:11 p.m.

Roofies are my favorite for getting ass when I want it.

From Pattycake: I am a fat bald lesbian with several tatoos and piercings. I have a lot of trouble meeting women and if I don't have sex soon I'm going to go out of my mind. How can I get all the hot chicks to look past the exterior and see my inner beauty?

Assclowns say: I dunno, try wearing a bag over your head?

This little piece of ass was written on Wednesday, Aug. 06, 2003 at around 2:19 p.m.

Listen up you fuckwads

We are getting real tired of these lame, assinine, juvenile, retarded, dumber than fuck, questions.

Give us some serious assclowns to deal with ok? You stupid fucking twats.

Ok, that's it. No more answering stupid fucking questions, such as the following:

From Gina G: Ok, i have a problem. A few days ago, my boyfriend touched me in places that made me feel really really excited. Now i'm scared that I'm pregnant. what should i do?

If you are really this stupid, then you deserve to die. You ARE the assclown and we are here try and rid the world of them. Got it, doochebag?

Thank you, Mngmt.

Back That Thang Up * Do Me In The Butt

Spankin' New+ Old Ass+ Assbook+ Assmap+Ass Layout+Ass Behind the Assclowns+Diarrhealand

Disclaimer: You ask, I answer. It's that simple. If I hurt your feelings, I really don't care. It won't do any good to sue me because I have no money anyway.