This little piece of ass was written on Thursday, Aug. 07, 2003 at around 9:51 a.m.

Suicide is HIGHLY underrated.

From Suzanne: My name is Suzanne E. T_tk_m_ _ _r I live on Harrier Lane in Va. Will you come fuck me? Will anyone come fuck me? I need some good dick action! I'll give you my phone number if you email me we can set up a time and day. (Any dick will do) If you want group sex I have some other EZ Board ho bags that I post with that would be more than willing to suck you off, or spread their legs wide (and lift their huge ass stomach out of the way for you, so you can get your dick in.) (wear noseplugs you'll need it. Condoms are not necessary - you can't give us anything we don't already have.) My net bitches are all just as unlucky in life and love as me. Just ask, I will set you up with their address and phone numbers as well. I have it all right here ready to send. I am 43 years old but my almost geriatric husband Mr. Gator (James C) can no longer get it up for me (he's 51 years old) and even a double dose of viagra will not help. Oh, it gets hard. But if I get anywhere near him his big hard dick becomes a vagina with balls. He says it is because I am such a fat, ugly, disgusting cow that he gets an innie every time I walk past him. It's been so long since any of my friends and I were laid that we have reduced ourselves to impersonating other people on message boards all across the world wide web just to get a little positive attention from anyone. You see all the posts from Corkychick, Steveho, Shayla4ever, GannyG, Lulvee2cunt, Twinklebar, Cricket, Luvlee2cunt & Dixieshits were my group of friends and me. You asked where the retards come from. Well we all come from here. Come and read our boards ... (oh and please fuck me.) You see, I am forced to hang with this group of EZ board misfits on their lame message board. (Link above.) Instead of having sex we play with Barbie's and pretend they are having sex. I photograph them and put them on the internet. So my ho bag skanks and I can get a little sexual thrill out of it. Here. When we are not making and watching Barbie porn. We sit around attacking and making fun of people that we have never even talked to or met. We don't like them. Because they seem to have fun. That, and well, the voices in my head say I shouldn't like or trust them. And when my voices say something I listen or they will do really bad things to me. All I have in life besides my Barbies, the skanks, and the girls and guys I cyberstalk, is my stained glass making hobby, sniffing toxic chemicals,playing with guns, and dreamig of having sex. Assclown why doesn't anyone but those skanky EZ Board ho bags like me? Why can't I get laid? Why do people ban me from their boards over and over again? (YOU FUCKING BASTARD YOU BETTER NOT KICK ME OFF THIS BOARD!) I am a Christian woman and damn it people should like me for who I really am. Oh and will you fuck me? Please?

Assclowns say: Well that was quite entertaining. Seems to me that no one likes you because you won't SHUT THE FUCK UP. And because you are a fat, disgusting pig that smells like feces. Besides the genuises that run assclowns are female, so sorry we can not fuck you. Not that we would anyway because you are an annoying cunt. Sorry. Our advice: Play Russian Roulette with a loaded gun.

This little piece of ass was written on Thursday, Aug. 07, 2003 at around 9:44 a.m.

One less bitch = better world

From Datefromhell: Hubby dragging me away for two hellish weeks of vacation at his mommy's house. How do I escape? Seriously? Without divorcing that is.

Assclowns say: Throw yourself in front of a speeding semi-truck. That should put you and your hubby out of misery.

This little piece of ass was written on Thursday, Aug. 07, 2003 at around 9:43 a.m.

Birds of a feather

From Twinklebar: My meatflaps dangle visibly from the bottom of my mini skirt. Is it too late for exercises?

Assclowns say: Absolutely too late. Just get them peirced as much as possible and say you had them stretched on purpose for decorative purposes. Like those sick fucks that get their earlobes stretched. You'll fit right in with the freaks.

This little piece of ass was written on Thursday, Aug. 07, 2003 at around 9:31 a.m.

too stupid to even be funny

From shayla4ever: Will the nippletwisterhood sisters that I cling to like a vaginal crab figure out that I'm only 15 years old if I use words phrases like "burn!" and "snap!"?

Assclowns say: It's hard to tell one retard from the next. So you are probably safe.

This little piece of ass was written on Thursday, Aug. 07, 2003 at around 9:27 a.m.

Or you could just staple her crotch shut while she sleeps

From cozmikgurl79: My roommate is a huge slut and a slob. She's always ho-ing around and going out of town, leaving me to clean up after her messes. What can I do to her to let her know she's a sucky, dirty skank?

Assclowns say:Any dirty dishes or trash or dirty clothes or any other mess that she leaves laying around, simply pick them up and put them on her bed and in her dresser drawers and in her closet. Just start piling shit up in her room. If she confronts you about it, kick her in the crotch and tell her to stop being a slut and a slob. If that doesn't work, slip some chlorine in her alcoholic beverages, she'll never know the difference.

Back That Thang Up * Do Me In The Butt

Spankin' New+ Old Ass+ Assbook+ Assmap+Ass Layout+Ass Behind the Assclowns+Diarrhealand

Disclaimer: You ask, I answer. It's that simple. If I hurt your feelings, I really don't care. It won't do any good to sue me because I have no money anyway.