This little piece of ass was written on Tuesday, Aug. 12, 2003 at around 3:45 p.m.

Murder is wrong, but kicking ass is fun and solves everything

From Smoked Salmon: I have a question about assclowns. Are they born that way, or do they become assclowns because of their life experiences?

Assclowns say: Scientific research shows that it's a combination of both. Usually assclownness is quite hereditary. However, if said assclown is adopted by non-assclown parents, there is hope for him. And vice versa, if a non-assclown is adopted by assclowns, chances are slim for him becoming a non-assclown. Really, it could go either way. Your best bet is to just avoid assclowns at all costs. If you can't avoid them, just kick their asses whenever possible.

This little piece of ass was written on Monday, Aug. 11, 2003 at around 11:56 a.m.

When in doubt, just do it back

From Pengin: Hey Assclowns. I've got another problem, well sorta. Okay, I was at Wal*Mart tonight going school supply shopping w/ a friend and a big burly mexican started grunting at us. Yes, grunting. We ran away from him but he followed. What could we have done instead of run away from our fears??

Assclowns say: Grunted back.

This little piece of ass was written on Monday, Aug. 11, 2003 at around 11:54 a.m.

Cartoons and the Devil, they go hand in hand

From CheshireXCat: Assclowns, you give very good advice. What do you do when you yourself need good advice?

Assclowns say: We have a pact with Satan. He tells us everything. Also, the Simpsons and South Park.

This little piece of ass was written on Monday, Aug. 11, 2003 at around 11:53 a.m.

This could be on America's funniest home videos!

From Luvlee@CUnt: Dear Assclowns: I need some help with the Russian Roulette. My revolver has 6 chambers. How many bullets should I put in? Can I use my Glock instead? How many rounds should I put in the clip? Should I just play with myself, or invite other people?

Assclowns say: Put in as many bullets as that thing can hold. You could invite other people, but only to let them watch. Oh and video tape it and send us a copy. Thanks.

This little piece of ass was written on Monday, Aug. 11, 2003 at around 9:49 a.m.

Killing is fun

From Dirk Wanker: Who's even gonna read that? I'm so embarrassed for you Luvlee. You should stop now. Go seek professional help, you truly are insane. Do tell your corporate lawer family member about your little situation so your family can intervine and send you to the padded room you need to be in, Or take the advice offered here and go play Russian Roulette already. Please post any further drivell on our site directly and stop being such a cowardly assclown. And too the assclowns, as you can see we have an assclown situtation of extreme proportions on our hands here. Thank you for your time and advice, I hope it is well taken. You're site is funny as hell, keep up the good work! Your always welcome at our place.

Assclowns say: Thanks Dirk. We enjoy assclowns like her because it just increases our homicidal urges and can that ever really be bad?

Back That Thang Up * Do Me In The Butt

Spankin' New+ Old Ass+ Assbook+ Assmap+Ass Layout+Ass Behind the Assclowns+Diarrhealand

Disclaimer: You ask, I answer. It's that simple. If I hurt your feelings, I really don't care. It won't do any good to sue me because I have no money anyway.