This little piece of ass was written on Monday, Aug. 25, 2003 at around 3:15 p.m.

We could only be so lucky

From Rodger: Yo Ass Clown, why do I feel so dead?

Assclowns say: Because you are! Muwahahahahahaha!

This little piece of ass was written on Monday, Aug. 25, 2003 at around 3:14 p.m.

You losers are really getting on our fucking nerves

From Rodger the cabin boy: I spilt some water. This has never happened to me before. What do I do? Help me assclown. You�re my only hope.

Assclowns say: Why God? Why?

This little piece of ass was written on Monday, Aug. 25, 2003 at around 2:24 p.m.

Grow some fucking balls would ya?

From Loser: I met a girl and wanted her from the start, so I got this crazy idea aboutmaking her fall in love with me. Instead the opposite happened and I ended up loving her more than life itself. SHe knows how I feel, but for the nine months I have known her she didn't know how she felt about me. We tried dating but that didn't work, so we tried to stay friends until we knew exactly what we wanted. I tried to stop myself but I loved her more each day. Somehow, I was able to store my feelings for her away until she knew what she wanted, but last night she wanted us to stop being friends. I pleaded with her to not do this and to try and make things work out for our friendship. She decided to think about it but se needed a break from me. What do I do? It hurts so much without her. I would do anything to get he back in my life. What can I do? What do I do? Help me please!

Assclowns say: You are a MAN right?

This little piece of ass was written on Monday, Aug. 25, 2003 at around 2:19 p.m.

People like you make vigilante justice seem reasonable.

From Peter: I'm a teacher and am attracted to one of my students. She has a nice tight ass and smells like pussy. Problem is I'm already fucking another one of the teachers at the school who I work very closely with and don't want her to find out, otherwise she'll go and squeal to everyone that my nipples smell like cheese. What do I do??

Assclowns say: Why don't you throw a nice pj party for your students at your home..have lots of liquor and roofies. And make sure they are very well subdued before you rape them since raping children is the only way you'll ever get laid and we don't want those little bastards telling anyone. then you'd loose your other roofie victim who is actually a grown up.

This little piece of ass was written on Monday, Aug. 25, 2003 at around 2:17 p.m.

Does it say real estate agent across my fucking forehead?

From Luvlee@Cunt: These assclown real estate agents are pissing me off! I would like to buy a house in South West Michigan. Maybe in a charming little town like St Joseph. Waterfront, preferably overlooking the lighthouse on Silver Beach. My budget, however is limited to under $200,000.00. Would extras like say insulation, running water, and indoor toilets be out of the question? My rats won't mind, but I've become acustom to indoor toilets and the bungalows in the shanty town they are offering in my price range do not have any. What can I do?

Assclowns say: Build yourself a nice shanty and keep plenty of flammable liquids around in case you decide to light yourself on fire for asking such dumb fucking questions.

This little piece of ass was written on Thursday, Aug. 21, 2003 at around 2:41 p.m.

Gotta stay one step ahead, buddy

From Jessie: Okay every morning my friend and I walk to the bus stop for school, put our stuff on the sidewalk, and go farther down the road to "pick breakfast." Our breakfast consists of apples from some guy's tree. He never eats them. Well the other day we got caught. He came out of the house and started yellin' at us. We took off runnin' down the road back to the bus stop with the apples. Then this morning as the bus rode by his house, he was waiting for us on his front porch sitting, watching his tree. How can we get apples now that he's sitting out there every day waitin for us? We're hungry damnit!!!

Assclowns say: Haven't you ever heard of picking your breakfast the night before?

This little piece of ass was written on Thursday, Aug. 21, 2003 at around 2:36 p.m.

Someone needs to invent smart pills.

From Betsy: This guy I'm dating periodically drops off the face of the earth for no apparent reason, only to resurface like nothing happened a week or so later. Is he a superhero or just an assclown?

Assclowns say: The real question is, are you really that stupid?

Back That Thang Up * Do Me In The Butt

Spankin' New+ Old Ass+ Assbook+ Assmap+Ass Layout+Ass Behind the Assclowns+Diarrhealand

Disclaimer: You ask, I answer. It's that simple. If I hurt your feelings, I really don't care. It won't do any good to sue me because I have no money anyway.