This little piece of ass was written on Thursday, Sept. 25, 2003 at around 12:14 p.m.

Pee parties are fun! Anyone need directions?

From Pengin: okay, my mom about fuckin killed me and my friend the other night. she drove us home from the football game and had been drinking! i was like, omg, u dumb bitch, u almost killed me. how can i get it thru her head to quit drinkin all the damn time?? she drinks every day and it pisses me off.

Assclowns say: Replace the alcohol with your piss that'll learn her. Go around a have a pee feast in your house. Get your friends involved, they can help cuz it sounds like your mom is lush so she probably has tons of bottles. Just to be safe, you'd better open every bottle you find and pee in it incase she gets so drunk she can't tell olive oil from Gin. Make a party out of it!

This little piece of ass was written on Tuesday, Sept. 23, 2003 at around 10:42 p.m.

Give me my stuff or die.

From datefromhell: I need to know how to make the Assclowns at the local computer shop hurry their asses up. Ordered, paid for and am avidly awaiting a new machine but they are slllllowwww, claiming that they have "too much work" to hurry it up because of some ficticious story about hurricans. They are already two days behind the date they promised to have my new computer ready for downloading Barbie Porn.

Assclowns say: I'd send a bomb to the factory and blow their asses to kindom come. We're American we don't wait for shit..computers, clothes, technology or even evidence, we just go for it! Yeah baby! Bomb away!

This little piece of ass was written on Tuesday, Sept. 23, 2003 at around 10:40 p.m.

Did you not read the title of the webpage retard? It says ASSCLOWNS

From Jessie: you're an asshole. I ask you a simple question and u bitch at me. well fuck you. you go to hell. you go to hell and you die!

Assclowns say: Yes we are.

This little piece of ass was written on Thursday, Sept. 18, 2003 at around 2:30 p.m.

El Natural baby... el natural

From Denise:I have horrible side burns. And I'm a girl. This shouldn't be. How can I get rid of them? They just keep growing back.

Assclowns say: Who says it shouldn't be? You should be whoever Mother Nature intended you to be. This is why we encourage women to stop shaving their legs, it's not the way nature intended us. So, go for it, Denise, let your side burns go free. If anyone doesn't like it, kick 'em in the junk.

This little piece of ass was written on Thursday, Sept. 18, 2003 at around 2:29 p.m.

Yawn

From Jessie: Hey assclowns! I'm at school and these computers are gayer than Richard Simmons. They block almost every website known to man (I'm suprised I could get to this one) and they wont even let me use Aim Express. Some how someone did get to download MSN Messenger, but no one is ever on MSN so it sucks. Do you have any advice about what I should do about these suck-ass computers??? Or do you at least know a way I could get AIM to work on them???

Assclowns say: Do I have IT fucking HELP DESK stamped on my forehead? Shut up.

This little piece of ass was written on Thursday, Sept. 18, 2003 at around 2:28 p.m.

Turn the negative into a positive!

From nobodyinparticular: i'm a horny bastard that craves sex all the time. However, I think I fucked up by screwing some slut that was having a dick sucking fest with about 5 other dudes. I was very drunk, and didnt use a rubber. If i have aids should i just kill myself or see how many people i can spread it to?

Assclowns say: Do the world a favor, if you do in fact have aids, start screwing all the nasty people in the world, like strippers and hookers and Liberals... I'm sure you'll score a few brownie points with God on this one.

Back That Thang Up * Do Me In The Butt

Spankin' New+ Old Ass+ Assbook+ Assmap+Ass Layout+Ass Behind the Assclowns+Diarrhealand

Disclaimer: You ask, I answer. It's that simple. If I hurt your feelings, I really don't care. It won't do any good to sue me because I have no money anyway.