This little piece of ass was written on Wednesday, Oct. 22, 2003 at around 11:16 p.m.

Picky, picky.

From Pengin: I have a teacher who must be on heroine or something. She's just plain stupid. She never knows what she's talking about, we always have to wait for HER to get to class and be ready, and she sounds kinda like Ozzy when she talks. How can I prove to the school board that she's on drugs to get her fired?

Assclowns say: Why in the HELL would you want an awesome teacher like that to get fired? If she's all boozed up then you can get away with murder. For instance; "Hey you, did you turn in that paper?" Then you say "Yeah I gave it to you yesterday and you said it was an excellent paper, don't you remember?" She'll agree because she really won't remember and won't want to look stupid. You'll get an A and have earned it by fucking with someone who has a serious illness, there's no effort in that. So shut up and enjoy it, the rest of us have to put up with teachers who are actually coherent and it BLOWS.

This little piece of ass was written on Tuesday, Oct. 14, 2003 at around 10:41 p.m.

Too extreme? Nahhhhh

From Alyssa: There are alot of assclowns on my bus. All they do is scream and give each other head, all the way to school. I would usualy just ignore it but they are throwing big spit balls all over the bus and they don't even have enough balls to say they did it. What should I do to settle the score?

Assclowns say: Put a bomb on the bus and don't ride it that day. Have a party to watch it and roast some marsh mellows from their burning corpses. That should teach those little bastards and their spit balls, cuz spit balls are GROSS and deserves revenge. Or... that's just we would would do:-)

This little piece of ass was written on Tuesday, Oct. 14, 2003 at around 10:37 p.m.

I hope when he rapes your ass, you think to yourself "Man I'm a dumb FUCK".

From Andrew: I'm just a teen, but my mummy and daddy let me set up my own internet company. Recently I met this oh so hot male stripper with a tight ass. How should I break the news to my parents that I want to dump the business and fly to San Fran to marry my hot hunk of burning love?

Assclowns say: I'd just leave them a note and go.

This little piece of ass was written on Thursday, Oct. 09, 2003 at around 2:27 p.m.

Enjoy your revenge

From Fir Tyve: The fellow who lives downstairs from me is a complete assclown. He passes out drunk most nights leaving his stereo or gay porn or whatever it is he insists on driving me crazy with blaring. Then he gets mad when I jump up and down on the floor to wake his drunk ass up. I'm also pretty sure he deals drugs, probably to kids. Or maybe all the cars pulling in and out when he is awake are coming over for really quick and bad sex. I'm moving out in a week, should I plant some weed in his truck and make an anonymous phone call to the cops?

Assclowns say: Better yet, order as much porno and porno paraphernalia as humanly possible using C.O.D. with his name, address, and phone number. Or with just his name and the apartment main office address, that way they have to call him to come and get it and hopefully he'll be humiliated and move out or the office will get freaked out and kick him out.

This little piece of ass was written on Thursday, Oct. 09, 2003 at around 2:26 p.m.

Career my ass

From Andrew: My momma won't let me dye my hair blonde and drop out of 9th grade to be a rock star. How can I get her to stop acting like such an assclown about my future career?

Assclowns say: Don't you know? School is cool, fool. Stay in school. With a name like Andrew, chances are your dreams of becoming a rockstar will never come full circle anyway. Sorry dude.

This little piece of ass was written on Thursday, Oct. 09, 2003 at around 2:25 p.m.

This shit is getting old

From Buck: I�m really not sure which personal stimulation device I should purchase. I was thinking maybe this one but it seems a bit pricey. So then I figured maybe just Jenna Jameson�s chong and ass would do, but I kinda like boobies also. One of my friends thinks I should just spend the cash on whores, but in the mid to long term I feel a PSD would represent better fiscal value.

Assclowns say: For the sake of those who come in contact with you and for the sake of saving your hard earned cash, and considering you obviously don't get any real action anyway, we feel it is in the best interest of the world for you to cut off your cock and balls entirely.

Back That Thang Up * Do Me In The Butt

Spankin' New+ Old Ass+ Assbook+ Assmap+Ass Layout+Ass Behind the Assclowns+Diarrhealand

Disclaimer: You ask, I answer. It's that simple. If I hurt your feelings, I really don't care. It won't do any good to sue me because I have no money anyway.