This little piece of ass was written on Thursday, Mar. 25, 2004 at around 2:40 p.m.

You need to get smacked...BIG TIME.

From DEBI/SHAY: my name is Debi...or is it Shay? I cant remember when I am off my meds. Ya see I got knocked up at 15 and am still a child my self. I am 30 years old, and say stuff like WELLDUR..... Dont ask me anything about where I live. I will NUT UP on your ass. I live for controversy...I chum up to anyone who I perceive to eb the "in" person of the moment. I have no life. Can you help me? I dont know where ilive. I tell people its one place. But it may be another. I think I have 3 kids... or is it 1? or 4? I tell somany lies I cant keep them straight. I do things, then I blame them on others. I cant tell the truth, or can I? Did I tell you a Car fell on My husband? Oh know... wait he;s in jail... Which is it? someone plesae help meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee......

Assclowns say: All I can say is I've a got a bright red shovel with your name on it, lady.

This little piece of ass was written on Thursday, Mar. 25, 2004 at around 2:39 p.m.

C'mon give it up for the fat girls, they're out there trying at least.

From OMG Please: To the skank with the "i dont want to get between two friends" question. Get over yourself. Your probubly some fat ugly whore who thinks just becuase I guy fucks you he actually likes you. They are guys and a loose skank like you is an easy lay.

Assclowns say: Fatties need love too.

This little piece of ass was written on Thursday, Mar. 25, 2004 at around 2:38 p.m.

Is that going too far?

From Anonymous: I can't stop reading horoscopes. Everyone's. Mine, his, hers, yours. And it's driving me mad.. I find myself agreeing, overagreeing, disagreeing, crying, worrying, becoming jealous, saying yes and no outloud. The phone won't stop ringing with calls for me, but everyone knows I am not going to accept their calls. I can hear my mother outside my door pleading with my friends..Mainly Natalia.. "She loves you, She's so upset.. she won't leave her room- She never leaves her room anymore ever, she doesn't sleep or eat. No, she NEVER SLEEPS! I hear her at all hours of the night. She talks to herself.. Help her. Talk her out of this. She needs help. She's always very upset, and easily set off. Please help her! Please. I don't know what to do anymore. Please help her. She needs help." What right does she have to go and slander my character like that? Just because I've retracted from contact and am often crying, chainsmoking and listening to music too loud in the dark DOES NOT MEAN I NEED HELP! Blaire. Jesus Christ! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? and to top it all off I'm in love with Whitney.

Assclowns say: You could always kill her in her sleep.

This little piece of ass was written on Thursday, Mar. 25, 2004 at around 2:38 p.m.

Blow up dolls are a good thing....for you anyways.

From ash: hi i am a geek but i am still a virgin and i have to get a blow job

Assclowns say: With a name like Ash, you're bound to go far.

This little piece of ass was written on Thursday, Mar. 25, 2004 at around 2:38 p.m.

Nothing like getting a mind blowing BJ then being dumped knowing you'll never get it again.

From Tara: I'm dating this jackass, that I was good friends with, when he asked me out I was thrilled, but then I realized, he makes a fucking awful boyfriend. So, I'd love to dump his neglectful donkey-fucking shit wad ass. I was sitting and thinking "How should I break up with him?" and then it hit me! You're an ignorant prick and you should be able to help me dump his ass in a spiteful, mean-spirited way!

Assclowns say: You have to give him the best blow job he's EVER had in his life, have him begging for more. This MUST be one mind blowing BJ, then you dump him. That's whats gonna kill him completely. Oh yeah he'll be hurting over that for years to come. This is the shit that will put his ass into therapy.

Advice on BJ's watch lots of pornos to learn the "suction" method.

This little piece of ass was written on Thursday, Mar. 25, 2004 at around 2:37 p.m.

She needs a visit downtown.

From Arsebandit: My frigid girlfriend won't do anything beyond kissing and dry humping. I've dated her for three weeks and she's barely even touched my penis. Give me some slick moves to get her down on her knees in between my legs where she belongs?

Assclowns say: Sheesh it's only been 3 weeks buddy give me a break. I once had to wait 4 months to get play but this was some seriously hot ass so it was worth it. Well have you gone downtown on her yet? Girl's don't get siked about sex until they get that yummy tingling feeling. Go ahead..give it to her. She'll be on her knees in no time.

BTW, have you been educated by a real woman on how to actually go downtown or are you doing that blind? Cuz if you suck then she's gonna NEVER touch it infact; she may run from it thinking sex with you will as bad as your tongue does. If you need help you know where to find me.

This little piece of ass was written on Thursday, Mar. 25, 2004 at around 2:37 p.m.

Now you'll be the annoying giggling person in the office but for much sicker reasons.

From Anonymous: There's this woman, sits opposites me in my fucking awful open-plan office. She has the most annoying laugh ever, it's high pitched and cuts to the bone. She laughs a lot, like every two fucking minutes. After about two minutes it gets irritating, after eight hours a day it makes me want to scalp myself, after six weeks x 5 days x 8 hours it's just too much, if I don't get some payback I'm going to have to shoot the whole office.

Assclowns say: Try putting some spooge in her coffee. It will coat her throat and silence the laughter. Plus you can get off every morning and laugh at what she's drinking. It's DOUBLE PAYBACK BABY! Is there anything about this plan that doesn't sound good? Nope.

Back That Thang Up * Do Me In The Butt

Spankin' New+ Old Ass+ Assbook+ Assmap+Ass Layout+Ass Behind the Assclowns+Diarrhealand

Disclaimer: You ask, I answer. It's that simple. If I hurt your feelings, I really don't care. It won't do any good to sue me because I have no money anyway.